


Childhood and Youth.

by metu



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, Goh has a Cinderace here, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, No Video Game/DLC Knowledge required, Not Beta Read, Pseudoscience, Set in Galar, also i use their japanese names in this, attempts were made, bonus Tokio & Goh friendship, mentions of mental health issues, this is lighter than it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metu/pseuds/metu
Summary: In the summer of his third year of university, professor Sakuragi offers Goh a job; enter: a boy he tried to forget, words left purposefully unsaid and days spent contemplating. It goes downhill from there.
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 10
Kudos: 66





	Childhood and Youth.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [breaktrio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/breaktrio/gifts).



> _For my sweet friend Miri, thanks to whom this story was born_
> 
> Because this has been written while the anime is still ongoing (episode 34 being the latest) I tagged it as canon compliant, and all we have are speculations and very badly foreshadowed pokémon teams, hence the very indulgent choice of few favourites of mine. As always, sorry for the mistakes!

> _“You and I have achieved that which is never achieved: we sit in each other’s souls.”_
> 
> **Edna St. Vincent Millay** to Arthur Davison Ficke, 1922

  
  


A car honking outside woke him up, shook his bed frame so hard he was reminded of countless flights and the everlasting fear of getting thrown away by your best friend of six years, and as soon as the self repressed emotions started to flow back into his inhibited brain like a swollen river Goh sat up, rubbed his forehead. The summer-night-chill was starting to give in to the warmth of the late June sun, which meant that Cinderace was probably already awake and would burst into his room the moment he heard his spine creaking like pebbles on the beach, demanding breakfast and requesting morning runs that satisfied no one but him, leaving Goh with short breath, no matter how much he trained, and terribly swollen feet that hurt so badly he had to write all of his reports sitting like a duckling. He figured he could delay the departure or even bribe Cinderace to go without him if he made him breakfast, so he got up and, to his dismay, grunted all the way to the small kitchen of the only apartment he could afford with the scarce money the internship provided him. Professor Sakuragi offered him a room at the facility, but Goh liked the idea of being self-sustained and kindly refused.

He checked his phone and there was a notification from Tokio, a picture of him standing next to the lighthouse in Liberty Garden, the text underneath saying that Unovian summers were really humid, reminded him of the weather in Kanto. Goh smiled.

Summer never seemed like the right time of the year to him, either too hot or not warm enough, always feeling like a bad copy of a personified ugly sentiment trying to remind him of wasted possibilities and people left behind, Goh liked to blame it on the weather, even if he knew, rationally, that the only one he could place responsibility on was himself; but the end of June in Kanto was dreadfully damp, and the physical discomfort served to make him forget of the moral accountability he had for his own emotional constipation, at least. 

“Breakfast is ready,” he called, voice soft. 

Breakfast was a pretty word to describe berry juice and a protein bar, because ever since the disheartening discovery of being a terrible cook and a worse eater all of his meals consisted of prepackaged bento boxes bought at the stores and the occasional soup his grandma sent with her care packages, he probably managed to avoid the risk of getting hypertension only thanks to Renji, who took pity on him and gave him the keys to his old room in the research facility during his university years. Even so, Goh could still open the glass bottle and display the honestly disgusting vanilla flavored bars on a plate, to make amends.

Cinderace walked in with the kind of mirth one usually associated with very mean boys who loved to play pranks on their older siblings on his face, and Goh sighed, figuring not even his poor attempts at preparing breakfast could grant him a morning spent lazing in bed. 

“Listen, I really would like to run uphill under the morning sun like healthy people do, but I, you see, we are _needed_ at the laboratory today, and I have to stand up for most of the day, so no run for me, I guess,” he shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands in defeat.

Cinderace crossed his arms and walked all the way to the miserable kitchen table, a poor excuse for a piece of furniture that could barely fit inside the room even with its small size, and sat down, feet dangling a bit. Goh felt a pang of guilt deep down, poking at the valve of his stomach, he knew how much Cinderace cared and how running was good for him and how he _really should be spending more time outside, Goh, we are just worried for you, ever since you stopped hanging out with that boy-_

Cinderace crunched loudly on the protein bar, breaking him out of his lucubrating cage and bringing him back to his overheated apartment. Goh smiled at him, thankful and without the right words to say so.

“All right,” he said, just to cut the heavy curtain covering the room with its stuffy, sentimental cloth. The pokémon kept eating, but his eyes weren’t focused on the angry frown between Goh’s eyebrows anymore, moving to the phone screen that was showing the current news. _All right_ , he thought again, and for good measure drank his hot coffee in one gulp, scalding his tongue.

* * *

Days at the lab generally passed by without too much of a hassle, he was the lab assistant of a lab assistant, something pretty recent but considering his past not a surprise, and the tasks usually assigned to him consisted in sorting samples and documents and feeding the pokémons, most of which he caught himself, so it would’ve been his duty anyway. He went to visit Sobble, who liked to sleep under the palm trees and sun bathing on the rocks next to the pool, life stable and quiet. Absurdly enough, what he did as an actual child was far more adventurous, but he guessed adult life never was meant to be spent dallying around in flower fields with not a worry in sight.

He took out his badge and, with a tiny hello, entered the breakroom where Françoise was, apparently, getting charged next to a sleepy Renji.

If doctor Sakuragi was a lenient boss that doubled as a preposterous father figure, Renji was closer to an overbearing mother, and even Kikuna, who always tried to maintain a professional farce during working hours, sometimes slipped and started coddling him like a young boy, almost as if he never grew up and was perennially stuck in the ambivalent space of his teenage years; even so, they all treated him with respect and tried to assign him the minute jobs usually associated with a paid internship.

Goh wasn’t exactly happy with what he was doing, mostly because he never was very fond of petri dishes and rearranging lab reports, but he also couldn’t trouble himself with complaining, always the reminder of what he decided to do and why, most importantly, he decided to do it in the first place.

“Good morning,” said Kikuna, busy overseeing a monitor full of diagrams on species density and environmental growth, “the professor wanted to talk to you about something,” she lifted her eyes, a small smile on her lips, “Seemed important.”

“Thank you,” he muttered, slipping on his lab coat and hooking up his tablet to his computer.

Cinderace made a beeline for the park, he had this weird rivalry going on with Pinsir, Goh caught them balancing pebbles on their heads and then throwing them in the air and catching them again, he figured they weren’t hurting anyone and left them to their game, after all Cinderace tended to get easily bored, and that meant that he usually liked to bother him while he was holding fragile vials containing acidic spit or other fluids he really didn’t want to come in direct contact with.

When he decided he was done with checking emails from other researching facilities asking for their reports on migration routes of Kantonian flying type pokémons and the like, Goh stood up and walked all the way towards doctor Sakuragi’s office, he was probably busy doing whatever he did all day, reading or arranging tours for schools in which he would obviously become the guide because that was his life, now. 

“Professor?” he knocked, just for his grandmother’s sake and her efforts in trying and instilling good manners in him, but the door was usually left ajar and Sakuragi was inside, glasses askew and a grin on his face.

“Oh! Goh, come in, come in, I have the most wonderful news, sit down.”

“Is this about the yearly get together in Sinnoh? Because Koharu already told me about that.”

“No, no,” the professor waved his hands in front of his face, like he wanted to wipe clean the air, “Do you know Mustard, perchance?”

Goh made a pensive face, the name rang a bell but he couldn’t quite remember where he heard of that before, so he shook his head.

“Ah, figures, you would’ve been a child. He’s the former Galar champion and an ex gym leader, his story reached the international news,” Sakuragi had the tendency to talk in circles and derail from the main point, like a stroll in the park, so Goh didn’t feel too bad about spacing out, he figured he could search about him on the internet, later.

“Anyways, after retiring he opened a training dojo on an island in the Galar archipelago which is effectively an independent micro ecosystem, there’re even some fascinating ecoregions, even if it’s not that big.”

“That’s… interesting,” said Goh, his curiosity kindled by the promise of local fauna and untouched flora.

“Quite! In fact, I want you to go there and pick up the research we were conducting on Loudreds and Explouds communication methods.”

Well, that was nice, he thought, the year before he spent six months in Hoenn, cooped up in a flimsy tent in Rusturf Tunnel attempting to record Whismurs cries for posterity while simultaneously trying, and honestly failing, to fend off noisy Geodudes; by the end of his stay he swore the cold humidity penetrated so deeply in his bones that he would’ve never been able to walk upright again, all the while Cinderace was having the time of his life using the rock pokémons as makeshift balls; the prospect of living inside a cave again wasn’t that exciting, but he always liked Galar and its fashion trends.

“That’s nice, when do I leave?” 

Sakuragi gave him a fond smile, _as soon as you’re ready_ , he said.

“I already contacted Mustard and he agreed on letting you stay at the dojo, he also told me he’ll provide the best guide available, so I wouldn’t be too worried about stacking up on lum berries.”

Goh grimaced, awfully reminded of a day spent with a paralyzed leg because of a nasty Butterfree. The professor said something else, about the confirmation of a flight and tickets already waiting for him.

“Well, alright. I’ll talk to Cinderace and I’ll pack, I assume the directions for the job will be pretty much the same, right?”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry about that, Mustard told me you’re welcome to stay for however long it takes, but I think that after setting up the cameras and recording some material, the rest can be done in a laboratory,” the professor took a sip out of his cup “Perhaps three months of field work shall suffice, till the end of the summer, after all we just need to record them on site, I’ll leave the rest to you.”

He nodded, it wasn’t unusual for field work ( _actual_ field work) to start slowly, but they already had some data, Goh wasn’t too troubled about having to live away from home; it helped knowing an actual room with a roof and four walls was being offered to him, free of charge. 

“Well, that’s all. Have a safe trip!”

Goh muttered his thanks and got up, stuffed his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. He had the tendency to slouch, a bit.

“And Goh,” doctor Sakuragi interrupted him before he could close the door behind him, “You’re allowed to have fun while working, alright?”

Goh nodded, “Yeah sure,” he told him.

Whatever that meant.

* * *

To say Cinderace was happy about going to Galar would’ve diminished the pain Goh felt because of the chain of blossoming bruises on his ribcage, thanks to a very enthusiastic hug received from his friend. Not even reminding him of the fact that they wouldn’t be staying on the mainland (and Goh almost got himself ran over by a running Heracross because he was lost in contemplation on how an island could be considered mainland) ruined his good mood, since the pokémon decided to ignore him, something he didn’t actually mind, seeing that he had still a full archive of dusty files to transcribe into the system. Renji, on the other hand, was not following Cinderace’s example and kept hovering like a disgruntled and underpaid guardian angel over his desk.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help? I heard the Isle of Armor is quite dangerous,” he was wringing his fingers while Françoise floated mindlessly next to his head, with the most apathetic expression a pokémon with no actual facial features could muster.

“I won’t be alone, doc said there’ll be a trainer with me, besides,” he looked up from his tablet, raised an eyebrow, “Cinderace will also come with me, it’s not like I’m helpless.”

“No, of course you aren’t, it’s just that these things usually take a lot of time, it’d be easier if you have someone else with you, wouldn’t it?”

Goh couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“It’ll be fine, also you and Kikuna are busy with that research on Sobble’s tears, it’s not like you can come with me.”

Renji didn’t look too convinced, but he also had the tendency to worry over the littlest things so Goh wasn’t too bothered. 

“If you’re really concerned you could help me pack,” Goh smirked.

“I don’t think I will, you always get mad at me,” he huffed. 

“I get mad because your fashion sense is abysmal, also you don’t know how to fold pants, they all get wrinkled after I take them out.”

The blond raised his hands and left with the promise of bringing him fresh grinded coffee, not the stale one doctor Sakuragi seemed to love so much. He was grateful for that, and kept working on the transcription in blessed silence, interrupted only by a full, chipped mug placed quietly on his desk, until the professor found him, all smiles and stained shirt (he _felt_ Koharu’s pain), waving two plane tickets like he created them himself.

“Your flight is in three days!” he cheerily said. 

Goh smiled back, and that was it.

* * *

Leaving his stuffed apartment didn’t feel like a chore at all, Goh packed the bare necessity, assuming he would’ve been able to wash his clothes at the dojo anyways, and without worrying too much about the wellbeing of his dusty carpets and creaky bed frame, he locked the door.

Cinderace was positively shaking out of his fur, the burgundy sport jacket Goh bought him after a heated debate over Kalosian football hanging loosely over his lithe frame. He already had had time to fret over unnecessary and trivial matters, and even though the constant tickling of his wrist watch told him he didn’t need to fear missing the bus to the airport or the plane itself, the hanging feeling of general anxiety procured by never-enough social interaction (his therapist’s words, not Goh’s) still troubled him to no end. 

The pokémon took his hand, squeezed once. His palm was soft and warm, it felt like slipping his fingers in well worn gloves during winter time, keeping away the threat of frostbite that could easily be turned and interpreted into emotional scarring and metaphorical cut threads and all the things Goh liked to muse over, especially during cold nights in a bedroom always lacking another person. Cinderace was good like that, after years spent trying to understand each other, they came to a point where wording feelings wasn’t a necessity and the pokémon could easily translate and recognize a _I’m sad_ type of sigh from a _I’m thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking about_ quiet moan. The effective way of grounding Goh to the present was always squeezing his left hand, patting him on the back, sometimes hugging him until the monsters that dwelled in his brain folds were kept at bay.

“Aren’t you a sweet bunny,” Goh said, because Cinderace liked compliments and it wasn’t like he was telling a lie.

His friend blushed, gave him a nice smile that made Goh remember just how important to each other they were and tugged gently at the hand still in his paw, towards the staircase and then outside, under the June-turning-July midday sun, its beams kindly warming Vermillion City.

At least, he figured, he wouldn’t have to miss the sea.

* * *

Galar was several degrees colder than Kanto, even during summer time, and the journey put him in a bad mood because of a crying child that kept him awake for a six hour flight, so he was pouting while Cinderace tugged his thin jacket towards the train station in Wyndon. Goh liked Wyndon, mostly because it held an important place in his memories, but he also liked the giant, electric billboards and how big it was compared to Vermillion City, enjoyed the anonymity it granted him, the mix of languages and street performers, how in a city this grand, Goh’s mass and particles were just conglomerates found in everyone else, no old ladies asking him how he was doing, reminding him to take care of himself, trying to get him to meet their granddaughters. 

The professor told him that the only way to reach the Isle was via flying taxi or boat and even if he was tired of not having his legs on the comforting and stable ground he also wasn’t fond of seasickness, either. Goh was weary, already, dragging his feet on the smooth pavement thanks to inertia and the washed down coffee the hostess gave him, probably out of pity. Cinderace was eyeing the stores next to the station, probably hoping in a scone or two, and Goh shook his head.

“We don’t have time for shopping, bun,” Goh saw the pokémon’s happy grin deflate a bit and he smiled ruefully at him.

“I think you’ll have fun on the Isle, don’t feel so bad.” 

The taxi station in Wyndon was huge and confusing, probably the biggest in all of Galar but he wasn’t sure and also didn’t really care, Corviknights always kind of freaked him out, there was a cabby waiting for him, half standing half laying on the taxi side, holding a sign with his name on it and a cigarette rolled between his hands. Goh greeted him.

“All right, mate?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” Goh said, hoping his accent wouldn’t slip in between words. 

“Splendid, we’ll have to stop for half an hour or so in Motostoke so this one here,” he patted the Corviknight’s head, who preened under the attention, “can rest for a bit, should take about two hours to get there,” the cabby hopped on the pokémon and Goh entered the car underneath, Cinderace was already looking a bit green. 

He held his paw, reciting by heart Galarian wind currents and how the Gossifleurs used them to pollinate the meadows, and after a few minutes, lulled by the oddly comforting sound of Corviknight’s fluttering wings, he fell asleep.

* * *

Cinderace woke him up when they landed in Motostoke, the atmosphere stifling, a crick in his neck he hoped a full night sleep in an actual bed would cure. The cabby told him he could leave and stretch his legs, they would probably have to delay the flight because there was a storm coming, you never know how the weather turned in the summer, he said.

Goh would’ve rebutted, would’ve told him that actually you could easily know by checking something as simple as a barometer, but his days of acting like a know-it-all were far behind him, and he also was very tired, still, his brain taking a few more moments to translate the words in his head. He took his bags and bid him goodbye.

In the end he decided to go to a small, hidden cafe, mostly to buy Cinderace his long awaited scones, but also because it was the only place he knew in Motostoke that he visited alone, no tethering memories, only soft ambient music and an honestly disturbing Litwick serving hot drinks. 

The moment he sat down his rotom phone chirped, its screen lighting up with an incoming call from an unknown number. 

“Hello?”

“Hi!” a woman’s voice came from the other side, it was buzzing and felt like it came from a wind gallery.

“I hope you’re Goh! I’m Honey, Mustard’s wife, we’re coming to get you,” which didn’t make sense because the cabby explicitly told him that a storm was coming and he quite liked his bones inside his body, but Honey didn’t let him think it over and asked him where he was. 

“Uhm. I’m in Motostoke, right now?” 

“That’s nice, I’ll wait for you in the main plaza, see you, love!” she hung up.

Goh was left puzzled, Cinderace was busy stuffing his snout with dry biscuits and then chugging down bitter berry juice, when he noticed his partner's confusion he raised one bushy eyebrow.

“Let’s go,” he says. 

He didn’t miss the irony of the sentence.

* * *

Honey was a small, warm woman. Smaller than Goh, but that didn’t really mean anything considering he had had his growth spurt in middle school and never grew an inch since. She shook his hand with force, then said something to the cabby in a chipped accent he couldn’t figure out, words spoken too fast for him to detangle, then she kindly grabbed Goh by the arm and directed him towards something similar to a taxi, but less open metal and more car doors and windows; there was a Dragonite waiting besides it, Goh’s whole digestive system took a sharp turn to the right. 

“It’s not ideal to fly in a storm when part of your body’s made out of steel, Dragonite here is quite the good driver in storm conditions, aren’t you?” The pokémon smiled.

“Yeah, I’m familiar,” he said, bile pooling at the bottom of his throat, threatening to escape if another word was spoken. 

The Dragonite looked over at him, her face lit up and there was something behind her expression that made Goh avert his eyes and enter the car without even thanking the pokémon. At least, Cinderace seemed as weirded out as Goh felt. 

Honey sat next to him, she smelled of warm grass and freshly cooked rice and introduced herself again, making Goh rethink his whole upbringing.

“We’re really happy we could be of help, you know, sweetheart, it’s just amazing how much there’s to learn about pokémons.”  
On that, at least, Goh could agree.

“Also, I heard you’re quite good at programming, is that true?”  
“Uh,” he said, taken aback, “Yes, my parents were both, uhm, engineers you could say.”

“Oh, isn’t that _lovely_ , my son, Hyde, he’s always tinkering with wires and computers, but I’m afraid my husband and I aren’t that good at understanding him, I think he’ll like having you around,” she smiled, patting his arm and Goh felt strangely reassured by a woman he didn’t know.

“That’s cool,” he wasn’t lying, programming was still something he very much liked to do, and he always liked playing the bigger brother.  
“And Ash! Ash, he’s your guide, love, he’s from Kanto! Probably around your age, too.” 

Goh perked up, Kanto was a small region, smaller than Hoenn even, which was mostly water anyways, and its people rarely travelled as far as Galar, since everyone was too attached to their tradition to completely let go of the safety of the known. 

“Director Sakuragi told me he’s one of your strongest trainers,” he offered, because Honey was nice like that, and put him at ease.

“Yes, yes!” she smiled sweetly, “He’s a total sweetheart, too. Helped us a great deal, he just seems to understand pokémon so well, even my husband was quite impressed,” she looked as if she was talking about a family member.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine with him, we have a Loudred colony living in the Brawlers Cave, it’s not too far from the dojo, half a day trek I’d say, but don’t worry, we have ride pokémons and all of that,” Dragonite started to ascend, probably trying to avoid getting caught in the worst of the storm, “in any case, they’re quite territorial, we don’t let the younglings near the cave, because they attack on sight, oh! Don’t worry, love, don’t make that face, what I meant to say is that Ash is a _very_ good trainer, you’ll be safe!” 

Goh grimaced, he desperately wanted to be rude and tell her that he knew how to battle, he wasn’t completely helpless, that there was a reason behind the fact that Sakuragi always sent him researching on the most dangerous pokémons that Renji and Kikuna wouldn’t be able to face, but Honey’s nice smell and sweet face and motherly aura physically stopped him from even thinking of the words. He also had to admit that it _was_ a nice thought, not having to rely only on himself. 

Cinderace made an interesting noise from the back of his throat, his ears were raised on his head, the clouds were clearing and Goh could see the Isle down below. 

“Welcome on the Isle of Armor, love,” Honey said as Dragonite deposited herself gently on the ground. He muttered his thanks, helping Cinderace getting down. He wobbled before running over the beach, stretching his legs and throwing a kick to a pebble.

“I thought a welcoming party was in order, nothing too grand, just a nice dinner, but I’d understand if you’d rather go to your room and rest,” Honey hauled one of his bags over her shoulders like it didn’t weigh anything at all and Goh mentally jotted down that specific detail in his brain. The rest of his equipment was going to be shipped over, because dovetailing microphones and computers inside a plane was never easy and Goh didn’t want to get money detracted from his salary.

“It’s alright, I think Cinderace might burn me to a crisp if I don’t give him dinner,” to make a point the pokémon glared at him.

They were walking towards the dojo, surpassed a sturdy wooden bridge, he could see Poliwags paddling in the river that conducted directly into the sea, and asked himself if the Galarian variant adapted itself in order to be more resistant to salt water. A Poliwrath came forth, and Honey passed them the bags, then ushered Goh towards the entrance. The dojo was built in the Johtonian style, genkan and main door facing the south included; being allowed to take off his shoes when entering the building felt nice and relieving, Tokio would’ve loved it. The main room doubled as the training ground and at the back who he guessed was Mustard was busy talking with another person, tall and shoulders so large Goh felt the back of his knees hitch, then they turned and Goh’s legs were frozen, his lungs on fire.

“Satoshi?”

A drop fell somewhere and a downpour started, Goh was so lost in his own metaphorical storm that he didn’t notice the actual one starting outside. He felt very dumb for not being able to connect all of what he knew of Satoshi and what Honey told him. Cinderace’s eyes lit up and he despised, in that precise moment, pokémons and their lack of human complicated concepts such as regret and whatever was the feeling one felt when who was supposed to be your best friend-turned-crush, whom you cut ties with over irrational fears and guilt ridden sleepless nights, was right in front of you, smiling like seeing Goh was the single, most beautiful thing that could’ve happened to him.

Then, again, Satoshi used to smile like that whenever he ate his croquettes. Goh mentally slapped the allegorical hand that was tensed towards the hermetic vault in his brain where all kinds of Satoshi’s smiles were stored, next to his absurd sleeping positions and every single time he patted Goh on the back, catalogued in chronological order. 

“Goh! It’s been so long, I’m glad it’s actually you,” Satoshi said, in perfectly accented Galarian, hugging him and then pinching Cinderace’s downy cheeks, the pokémon blushed, like the traitor he was.

“You already know each other?” asked Honey and Goh was too shellshocked from seeing Satoshi, muscles (a lot of muscles, apparently, his teeth clasped down on his tongue) and bones and his mop of hair that was chopped short and laid flatly on his head. He was so tall, Goh had to crane his neck to look into his eyes, it felt like he was praying.

“Oh yes! We were partners when we were younger,” Satoshi hung his honestly massive left arm over his shoulder and pulled him close, “we’re friends.” 

“Yeah, friends,” Goh murmured, his synapsis refusing to connect with each other. 

Honey clasped her hands together, Mustard was making his way next to his wife and they kissed each other as a greeting and Goh started to feel the weight of Satoshi’s harm draped like an abnormally comforting noose over his neck, Cinderace was holding Pikachu, it felt right and unusual at the same time.

“Well, that’s great! You’ll have no problem working together, then. Ash will show you your room after dinner!”

Goh swallowed, yes, he thought, no problem at all.

* * *

Satoshi was a big person, in the sense that whenever he went he occupied a lot of space. He was loud and tended to sprawl all over the place, even as a child, people tended to notice him either because he was screaming, or because they tripped over his backpack, or even just because he simply was Satoshi and the moment he started to grow into his lanky legs and his shoulders began to set, it was easy to get caught in him. That meant that Goh had to physically distance himself, mostly to protect his sanity and also because rejection coming from a person like Satoshi would’ve hurt more than anything else, and since the world seemed to have decided to spin the other way round, he was sitting next to him at the long dinner table where all the trainer sat down to eat. At least the soup was good.

Cinderace apparently didn’t care about Goh’s internal turmoil, he was happy to see Pikachu and Satoshi and he caught him staring over at the training machines he couldn’t name even if threatened, so he guessed his first predicament was going to be correct.

 _At least one of us will have fun,_ he thought to himself and then shook his head. He liked his job, he liked field work and he was going to do it even with Satoshi’s eternally distracting presence.

“Why Ash?” he asked, because Satoshi wasn’t at fault for his infatuation and Goh wouldn’t be that type of person for three months.

“Uh? Oh,” Satoshi chuckled and Goh felt like he was having a kidney failure, “It’s shorter, easier to pronounce. A nickname of sorts.”

“A nickname.”

Satoshi laughed out loud, eyes crinkling and dimples showing, Pikachu looked away from Cinderace and watched Goh closely.

“Yes! It’s neat, isn’t it? Makes me look cool,” he scooped a spoonful of rice on his plate.

He and Pikachu shared the same kind of smile, their cheeks puffed up and it made people next to them feel special, part of something nicer and more comforting than the moldy meat grinder that was the world once barren from childhood idealism; Goh had to divert his gaze because his choice in figures of speech was becoming absurd and quite detrimental. He wanted to be childish and say something like _you couldn’t be cool even if you were frozen_ but that felt like stepping out of a boundary he set for himself the moment Satoshi left Kanto e Goh decided to destroy his already disastrous sleeping patterns in university. 

“So, you’re a doctor now?”

Goh snorted.

“No, I’m a lab assistant, hopefully in two more years I can get my master’s.”

Satoshi made a disgruntled face, turned up his nose and Goh would’ve sworn he looked exactly like he did when he was thirteen.

“That’s a long time, not sure I would be able to do it.”

“W-well… How's your plan of becoming a pokémon master going? Made any new breakthroughs?”

“Oh, well, I guess!” he looked sheepish, “It’s fun here at the dojo, Leon told me it would’ve been a nice experience and he was right, my strategies have never been better. How’s your research going?”

“I mean, we already have some data on the Whismurs and Loudreds living in Hoenn so-

“No, no, I meant, the thing with Mew?”

“I’m sorry?”

Satoshi nodded, eyes fixed on him, he slurped some of the soup.

“I, Satoshi I’m not twelve anymore, I won’t go around pretending to catch _Mew_ of-

“I _know_ , silly. You already told me,” Goh thought to himself, _did I_ , but Satoshi continued, “But I thought you were doing your, uh what’s that called, thesis? On Mew, weren’t you?”

Cinderace had to kick him in the shins, because Goh was left staring at him, mouth hung open.

“Uh, uh yeah my bachelor’s, I am? I am,” he wanted to ask, how did you know, he wanted to break Satoshi’s skull open and search inside his brain for a grain of common sense, “I mean it’s an idea for now and... more about the cultural significance of its existence than _how_ its DNA works, but I’m still gathering materials and professor Sakuragi offered to be my thesis supervisor, so,” Goh also wanted to stop talking but Satoshi was looking at him with interest in his eyes and he never learnt how to hold his tongue back.

“That’s awesome, why’d you have to study three more years, then?”

“I,” Goh paused, “I don’t know, it just works like that.”

“Sounds stupid, I think you’re plenty smart already,” Satoshi said and then drank some water as if Goh was just supposed to accept that explaination. 

“Thanks, I guess?”

“You’re welcome!” 

Cinderace rolled his eyes and Pikachu made a sound akin to a snort, he was very close to sticking his tongue out at them.

“How’s Tokio, by the way?”

“Tokio?”

“Yeah, how is he?” 

Satoshi didn’t make any sense at all.

“He’s fine, in Unova, now.”

“Oh, must be tough,” someone next to him asked him for something on his plate and Satoshi willingly gave it to them, Goh didn’t understand what was happening.

“Wh-, what do you mean?”

“Unova’s far from Kanto, isn’t it?” he was munching on some vegetables now, which reassured Goh that Satoshi was still Satoshi, bad table manners and everything.

“Well, yes? So’s Galar, though.”

Satoshi raised one of his eyebrows, _I guess it is_ he said, and then he shrugged.

Goh focused on finishing his dinner, more doubts in his head and none of those were related to pokémons.

Well.

* * *

Dinner came and went in a flurry of questions and embarrassing feelings Goh would’ve rather let decompose in his room back in Vermillion, but Mustard was an interesting man, and his son a tiny genius struggling with a machine for which Goh offered his help with. Honey told Satoshi to show him his room and even though he wanted to pretend the silence between them was awkward, it really wasn’t: Satoshi was nice, respectful even, and three years spent apart save from the eventual birthday call or text message couldn’t erase all the time they _did_ spend together. 

“This is your room, it’s right next to mine!” he looked happy, perhaps even happier than what he looked at sixteen.

“Uhm, thank you,” Goh was about to turn, put his hand on the sliding door and bid Satoshi goodnight, as soon as he could, but Satoshi hugged him before he could even think about smothering himself with a pillow, and then Cinderace slipped in between them, and with Pikachu over his shoulder, Satoshi towered over them easily, he smelled nice, faintly of sweat. Goh was disgusted with himself for finding it comforting.

“I really missed you,” he said and then retracted his arms and patted him on the head, like Goh was an undersized Arcanine.

“Goodnight! It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”

Satoshi, Pikachu waving them goodnight, closed the door to his room behind him and Cinderace had to physically push him through their own, because Goh wasn’t going to move.

“All right,” he told to the empty walls and the simple double bed that could’ve fitted easily three people, and to Cinderace who was rummaging through Goh’s bag in search for his friend’s pajama, “Let’s not freak out,” he said, freaking out.

Cinderace threw pants at his head, cackling at the indignant noise Goh made. His furred paws didn’t make any noise on the soft carpet, he entered what Goh thought was the bathroom and locked the door closed, ever since evolving he got weirdly anal about his night time routine, as if Goh wasn’t the one who had to pay for his expensive oils and the oddly shaped brushes the pokémon insisted on buying. Goh wasn’t that better, but at least he didn’t pretend that he was holding a secret all to himself.

After changing and laying on the bed, Goh checked his phone, sent a message to Tokio hoping for the mercies of time zones.

_Did you and Satoshi keep in contact?_

The answer came a few minutes later.

_Not really, why?_

_Nothing_ , he replied. He went to sleep.

* * *

“Have you ever rode a Mudsdale?” Satoshi stood before him, he had his hat on, the shirt well fitting and his pants sufficiently hideous that Goh snapped out of his contemplative daydreaming quickly enough not to look like one of the Slowpokes dwelling by the beach.

“No? Should I have?”

“Well, we’re going to the cave on them, so,” he shrugged and snatched a berry from the basket sitting on the table. A teenager came up to him and patted his back, the same selfless adoration on their face Goh recognized as his own. They talked a bit, the kid had a Johto accent and the conversation flew over his head mindlessly. 

He almost spat out the coffee he was drinking when the words kicked in.

“Wait, wait, what about the microphones and, and the radars? I have to set them out first.” 

Satoshi looked pensive.

“Huh, I’ll ask Dragonite to carry them, I guess.”

“You _guess_? That equipment is expensive!”

“Hey! She’s very gentle, you know it!”

“Should I remind you of the time she almost broke your ribs because she wouldn’t let you go?”

“That’s different, she’s gentle _and_ affectionate,” he scratched his nose and sat down next to him, in that moment a flurry of kids and young adults came barreling in, there were a few people that were evident travellers, probably there to catch some of the pokémons unique to the island. Satoshi was busy greeting each and one of them, which left Goh time to compartmentalise the fact that, apparently, bantering with each other was still like second nature to them. 

Cinderace entered the room, Pikachu held in his arms and the fleece jacket over his shoulders, they looked cosy; Goh offered them a smile.

“Anyways, what are you trying to figure out with Loudreds?” 

“It’s not only _me_ ,” Satoshi waved his hand, almost as if he didn’t care about the whole scientific community.

“W-well, we have a big database on their sounds and we even have theories on _how_ they produce them just, uhm, we don’t know what they mean? It’s quite interesting since they’re part of a very specific egg group, we assume they’re close to us humans, considering they develop in complex and hierarchic communities,” Goh closed his mouth, his teeth clicking loudly even over the noise of all the people having breakfast.

Satoshi was looking at him.

“Uh, sorry, anyways- he huffed, coffee gone cold, but the other interrupted him before he could backtrack.

“What for?”

“Er, rambling at ass o’clock in the morning, I guess?”

With a perplexed frown Satoshi told him _you weren’t_ , then got up to call Dragonite and informed her of the journey they’d have to the cave, Pikachu hopped from Cinderace’s arms and went with him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, diverting his gaze from the pokémon to the bottom of his cup.

Cinderace sat next to him, his mouth a flat line, he bumped his shoulder with him and, even if it didn’t stop the ugly feeling crawling over the back of his neck, it helped a little.

* * *

Apparently, Satoshi took his lack of experience in riding horse pokémon as a desire to be humiliated, Cinderace was sniggering under his paw.

The thing was: Satoshi made turning his offers down extremely difficult, what with his very kind eyes and the chipped incisor and how he was literally willing to hold your hand through whatever break-neck-adventure was that he proposed, and for that particular reason Goh was now sitting behind him, hands clasped hard over his torso (he categorically refused to hold his waits, one tragedy at a time), the Mudsdale alarmingly oscillating under them, while Cinderace agreed on entering his pokéball to spare him from the added weight of his judgment. Dragonite was slowly making laps above them, bags and boxes full of Sakuragi’s equipment between her hands, Goh didn’t know what to fuss over.

Satoshi’s broad back was before him, solid and way too defined, and Goh’s forecasting horizons were all riddled with impending doom and possibly a broken neck too, if he insisted on getting distracted and not following the other’s directions of _move your hips, strengthen your core_ , whatever that meant.

“We’re almost there,” he heard Satoshi say, he was holding the bridle loosely in his hands, Goh found his relaxed manner more reassuring than he would’ve liked.

They passed through the marshes, a few curious Quagmires poking their heads up as the vibrations from Mudsdale hooves rattled the ground, the weather was warm and humid but Honey told him that it got considerably colder inside the cave so Goh had to endure rivulets of sweat trailing over his neck, under the jacket; Satoshi, as always, seemed umperturberd. 

Once they stopped he offered his hand to dismount and Goh refused to take it, because he felt like acting as an idiot and the prospect of spraining his ankle seemed less cruel than holding hands with Satoshi. To make amends with himself he thanked the other boy, then released Cinderace from his Pokéball and hoped for the best.

“I’ll follow you,” Goh said, which, in retrospect, wasn’t anything new.

“I’ll show you where the biggest den is, but we shouldn’t get too close, there are some Druddigons that live there and it’s best if we don’t disturb them too much,” Satoshi said, with a level-headedness Goh never knew he possessed, the familiar twinge of discomfort kicked him in the back, he regretted not taking Satoshi’s hand before.

“It’s fine, I only have to set up the monitors and the microphones today, the rest we, uh, I can do outside.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to catch a Loudred and see how they respond to the noises you already have?”

Goh turned his head, Satoshi spoke while taking the gear from Dragonite’s paws.

“Er, technically yes? But we’re trying to see how the communication works between individuals and communities as a whole, I think the translating part could be put in the background. What we’re really searching for is why they use these noises and how they shape the environment around them,” Goh explained, he opened his laptop and set up the biggest microphone at the entrance of the cave, “it’s mostly an ethological study linked with anthropology and geography, we have good reasons to believe that the hand blown glass flutes in Hoenn have been inspired by Explouds pipe-like protrusions,” Cinderace passed him a strip of tape to secure the microphone and he thanked him under his breath.

When he got up, bones hurting from kneeling on uneven ground, he saw Satoshi holding the box full of electrical supplies between his hands, forearms tensed and biceps outlined under his shirt. Goh hoped the general darkness surrounding them hid his blushing cheeks well enough.

“That sounds-

“Complicated?”

“Well, yes, that too, but I meant to say cool,” Satoshi started walking towards the back of the cave, “You’re very cool,” he finished, Pikachu seemed to agree from the top of his head, swinging his tail back and forth as he let out a high-pitched thrill.

“Ah, uhm, thank you,” he stuttered, Cinderace had to grab his arm to prevent him from tripping over the wire he just taped to the ground. He gave the pokémon a sheepish look.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Satoshi turned out to be extremely insightful, in the three years he spent living and training in Galar he memorised the topography of the Isle and he offered to show him his favourite spots, for old time’s sake. Goh didn’t speak that much, mostly because he was pretty sure he was going to stutter and embarrass himself, but he also found listening to Satoshi talk endearing, part of his childish mannerisms still remained in his speech patterns, he tended to gesticulate and even if he wasn’t screaming or talking loudly, it was easy to forget that they were working in a cave and not in their old room at the Sakuragi’s institute, sitting in bed and woolgathering scraps and bits of dreams. 

Satoshi was in the middle of recounting the one time he almost lost a limb thanks to a very fast, very angry Sharpeedo while Pikachu tried to help without electrocuting all of them when Goh stepped on something hard, hurting his feet. He let out a faltering _ouch_ , but the thing moved, raised its head and slowly turned itself. Satoshi beamed, taking Goh’s hand in his and yanking him towards what he could then recognize as a honestly massive Gigalith. Cinderace looked ready to battle.

“This is Litio!” Satoshi said, not letting go.

The Gigalith moved its head calmly, Goh held his breath when he found himself eye to eye with a pokémon so rare the instances of seeing them in the wild could have been counted on his fingers. 

“It’s probably as old as this isle, or so Mustard says.”

“It’s… plausible,” the pokémon turned towards Satoshi, then deemed them uninteresting enough to return to its slumber.

“Is it the only Gigalith around here?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t move a lot but occasionally we see it outside, absorbing light, though it’s always alone so we think it’s all by itself. There’s a whole heap of Roggenrolas to keep it company,” he scratched the biggest crystal on Litio’s head and the pokémon let out a deep, satisfied grumble. 

“C’mon, you can pet it. Litio likes a good rub,” he lifted Goh hand and put it on what could have been the snout or the neck, it was difficult to recognize. 

Hand over hand, Satoshi started to move his arm, the rock was smooth, probably because the pokémon was very old, but it really did seem to like it, if the constant rumble and the pebbles on the ground shaking and moving were of any indications. Satoshi let go of him, but he stood close, arms brushing each other and Goh was fascinated by that weird, special boy who nonchalantly petted millenia-old-pokémons. 

“What even is this place,” he mumbled to himself, as he followed Satoshi.

* * *

By the time they finished rounding up the place and setting microphones on the ground and hiding monitors, Goh was sweating, the air inside the cave was cold but the river cutting it in half created a blanket of humidity that was reminiscent of his kitchen in Kanto. He was thankful for Satoshi, who knew where to go, and also for the fact that they didn’t have to run away from any angry Loudred. When they exited, Mudsdale eating mud on the ground and Cinderace running away towards light (he never liked closed spaces, or silence, in any case), his stomach grumbled menacingly; Satoshi laughed at him but conceded to go straight back to the dojo, it was mid afternoon and even if the martial rigor imparted to him forbid him from whinging like he used to do, he was still the Satoshi who would’ve rather lost a limb than skip a meal.

“We can go swimming later, if you don’t have to do your professor stuff,” he helped him get back on the Mudsdale, Dragonite already on her way back.

“I don’t have a swimsuit,” Goh said, not bothering to correct him, grasping Satoshi’s ribs, Cinderace made a bit of a fuss over entering in the pokéball, but not even his hyperactivity would’ve let him run all the way through the marshes, and he also didn’t enjoy getting dirty. 

“It’s not a problem, you can borrow some of mine,” Satoshi turned his head, flashed him a suspicious smile.

Goh wanted to tell him there would be an obvious problem, since he was considerably shorter (and how did _that_ happen, they used to be the same height) and also scrawnier, no matter how much Cinderace made him go to the gym, his muscle mass was never going to be as defined as the pokémon liked, but Satoshi spurred the Mudsdale on and they broke into a run, leaving Goh no other choice but to scramble closer to the other, panicking for a moment.

“What are you doing!” he shouted, the wind in his ears. The other boy laughed, like the first day they met and even if Goh was very close to falling off he reciprocated the sentiment, he forgot how fun it was to be around Satoshi. The heat of his back, doubled by the summer sun and the feeling of Mudsdale’s legs stomping on the ground left Goh breathless and he though, _what a wonder_ and he laughed because it was just like Satoshi, being able to break entire walls with a gentle push, a knock on the door.

With the added speed and the child-like euphoria running through their veins, they soon found themselves ushered towards heaping plates of curry and rice, cold drinks, and the promise of a cold shower before checking the computer; hoping for a direct result was pointless, and Goh already made peace with the fact that he’d probably have to move most of the microphones, if not replace them altogether, but he really didn’t care in that moment, sniggering with a boy who grew up so much he was almost unrecognizable, but who talked in his native language with Goh and patted his back, ruffled his hair, treated his pokémons with such a care one would guess he could read their minds. 

_Well_ , the thought, after he almost choked on his water when Satoshi said something funny without meaning to, _there goes the plan of maintaining neutrality._

* * *

Goh didn’t think it possible to feel seasick on the shore, but the crystal clearness of the waters and the quick plunge the sea floor took made his stomach lurge. Cinderace and Pikachu and Lucario, who was apparently the other _official_ pokémon with whom Satoshi trained at the dojo, were busy building what Goh supposed was a castle for the Slowpokes but it really looked like a giant pile of sand surrounded by a moat big enough for Pikachu to completely disappear inside. Satoshi was already paddling and Goh really didn’t want to oogle, but it was quite impossible to do anything else with wide shoulders and narrow hips and for a second he considered burying himself under the ground, or just running away, too large swim trunks and oversized t-shirt included.

He could’ve refused, could’ve told Satoshi that he actually had to check the monitors or hide in his room because he developed an allergy to salt water, but again, telling Satoshi no about these things was quite the difficult task. He also wanted to dwell a bit in the sea. 

“Bet I can swim all the way to that island before you even enter the water!” screamed Satoshi, waving his arms over his head like an inflatable air dancer. 

Goh decided to stop him before he got himself eaten by a Sharpedo. The sea was cold and he wasn’t the best swimmer to begin with, so Satoshi really didn’t stand a chance at survival.

“I’d rather keep you alive, thank you,” he said, slowly making his way toward the other.

Satoshi cocked his head like an overgrown Lillipup, then shoved water his way.

“ _Ow_ , what was that for?!” he tried to shield himself from the relentless attacks, but Satoshi was an unstoppable force and Goh a very light doorstop at best and trying to halt him was something he was never good at in the first place. It also felt kind of good, the water cooling down his overheated skin.

“Stop!” he was laughing so hard he started to snort, “Satoshi, you’ll drown me.”

“Oh, c’mon, I’m not even _trying_. ‘Sides, you looked hot,” he grinned.

Rationally, he knew what exactly Satoshi meant, that, however, didn’t stop him from blushing like he suddenly was thirteen years old again. 

“S-shut up!” he tried to counterattack but Satoshi lunged, dived under the water and grabbed his shins, made him slip and join him beneath the surface. 

They reemerged, struggling to stand upright because the waves kept pushing them, and Goh had to stand on his tiptoe to touch the sand; Satoshi was holding his forearms. 

“You’re,” he took a big gulp of air, “you’re so _dumb_! I can’t believe you did that.”

“Made you laugh, didn’t it?” Satoshi squeezed his hands, grasp tightening. 

The afternoon sun was bleeding in the sea, a biting wind rising up, the cliffs not really helping in shielding them from the chill. Their pokémons were running on the shore, Pikachu was being tossed in the air while letting out delighted screams of joy, Lucario and Cinderace holding him in their arms. For a moment, the distraction was enough to make Goh forget where he was, and who was grasping his wrists in a loose, soft hold. Satoshi’s hands had always been big, with age they only got bigger, more calloused, but always gentle, if not a bit rough. Without noticing, they got closer.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” Satoshi said, letting him go, “sorry, I, we should go back or there won’t be anything left to eat,” he moved towards the beach.

Goh recoiled a bit, skin colder and stomach upset.

* * *

Mid July on an island meant storms and general bad weather, professor Sakuragi was right, the Isle worked as an independent ecosystem with diverse and variegated smaller regions, and if he wasn’t so focused on scribbling down data and sending recordings of Loudreds interacting with Swoobats, he would’ve already gotten lost exploring. Cinderace usually rose up early in the morning and followed Mustard’s training, even though they were calibrated for fighting types, he seemed to enjoy the challenge, at least. 

Satoshi also had to train, being his guide only meant that occasionally he would go with him when the signal was cut and he had to fix the cameras, and all the interactions they had were casual: sitting next to each other during the meals, or the sporadic trips to the beach during the week-ends. That gave Goh enough willpower to actually send his notes through, to which Sakuragi always had a prompt remark on how interesting and fascinating and many other synonyms of the same adjectives he could fit in one sentence. It also meant that a bitter poison-like liquid was quickly settling into his marrow, threatening to spill whenever he saw Satoshi patting someone else’s back, ruffling someone else’s hair. 

Goh realised how childish he sounded, in the end it had been his ultimate decision to distance himself, and he had to live with the consequences. It just so happened that the consequences weren’t of his liking, and for that reason he immersed his overthinking brain into the comfortable, still pool of data analyzing and working late in the evening.

He was in the middle of spacing out while watching the raindrops race each other on the window glass when his phone lit up, a very unflattering photo of Tokio taken mid sneeze filling the whole screen. He answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello,” came the drawled out response. Goh snorted.

“I’m calling you from the beautiful Humilau, home of sparkling seas and the _very_ nice fishermen that cut through the waters.”

“I really don’t want to know about your love conquests, To.”

“Not even if it’s a raunchy story about a certain gym leader?” he could hear the smirk in his voice.

“ _Especially_ if it involves a certain gym leader, are you having fun?”

Tokio let out a smart _hah_ , “Of course I’m having fun, Meganium has never been more relaxed and you know how he is.”

“Meganium is stressed out only because you’re his trainer,” Cinderace entered the room, sat down next to him and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. Goh lowered his voice.

“As _if_ , anyways, I wanted to ask you about your beau and whatever you’re doing on that island, smarty pants.”

“Can we please not do this?” he begged.

“It’s either this or what Marlon and I did the other day, your pick.”

“You’re cruel, a sadist.”

“And yet, here we are. Tell me about the incredible feats of this boy of yours, did he lift an entire bus full of children to save them from impending doom?”

“You’re really not helping, you know?”

He heard Tokio chuckle, the cries of the Wingulls clear even over the phone call, it would’ve been afternoon in Unova.

“Have you made a move, yet?”

“Obviously I haven’t, I-

“Yes, you’re scared of ruining things yadda yadda, that didn’t happen to us, though, and I doubt Satoshi is the type to ostracize you just because you tried to, I don’t know, be honest with yourself.”

“First of all, it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that a friendship could be strained if certain things happened, and our situation was and is different,” he heard Tokio mutter a poorly concealed _how_ but he continued, “secondly, every time I think _he_ is about to do something, he stops! He backtracks and changes the subject,” he huffed, Cinderace was mumbling cutely in his sleep, Goh slotted his phone in between his ear and shoulder and tried to lift the pokémon from the awkward position they were in.

“So you _think_ it could be reciprocated? Whatever not-love feeling you’re currently infected with?”

“I _think_ ,” he deposited Cinderace on the bed, where the pokémon immediately burrowed under the sheets, “that sometimes we find ourselves in very compromising positions and whenever we do he always says sorry and goes away.”

Tokio hummed.

“What kind of compromis-

“Tokio, I swear on Arceus holy plates-

“No! Not like that, like, in general, what does he do?”

Goh closed his laptop, no use in trying to work with Tokio in full gossipping mode. He took off his socks and sat on the bed, knees to his chest and a full pout on his face.

“I don’t know, last week he was showing me this small lake island and he just, he grabbed my waist to make me look at something he was pointing at and when I turned he shoved me, said sorry and changed the subject.”

“Mh, I see,” Tokio said, but Goh was so immersed in recalling all the instances in which Satoshi purposefully touched him, or even _flirted_ with him that he didn’t hear him.

“And, this is the weirdest one, he-

“Goh, listen, I love you, alright?” Goh answered with a wavering _I love you too?_ before Tokio could continue, “I’ll try to make it as clear as possible, you’re an idiot.”

“Am _not_.”

“Yes, you are. Let’s pretend that you and whatever convoluted explanation you have made for yourself and your feelings have _sense_ , even with all of that, there’s no denying that Satoshi _likes_ you.”

“But-

“Yes, he’s always like that, he likes everyone, I’ve heard this story a hundred times, the thing is, he really isn’t. He doesn’t treat me the way he treats you and by your logic we should be best buddies since we’re both trainers and have more in common, which is absolute Bouffalant shit, by the way.”

Goh hid his face in his free hand, Cinderace was snoring beside him, the storm was calming down with the night and he felt really tired all of a sudden, he clutched the phone harder, this was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

It wasn’t that Goh was in denial, he knew that what he was feeling for Satoshi wasn’t quite friendship, and that had been a rough path to undertake in and of itself. When he was a teenager he didn’t really have any comparison term, he had to operate under the assumption that whatever he felt for Satoshi was the norm, and when he realised that Koharu didn’t fit inside the box of traits he assigned to his best friend, he had to retrace on his steps, analyze what he already had and formulate newer hypotheses. Then Tokio came, then high-school finished, then the therapists, and in the end university with its substantial embankments and he thought, age eighteen, _this is the end_. He wasn’t in denial, repeated his therapist’s voice like an exhausted digital clock stuck on the same hour, he was denying himself of something.

“I’m, I think I’m just… scared.”

“ _Oh_ , Goh, I know,” Tokio sounded heartfelt, “I understand, but you said it yourself, Satoshi is nice, probably the nicest person I’ve ever met and I don’t even know him as well as you do.”

Goh made a wet noise from the back of his throat.

“What if I mess this up.”

“I can’t tell you that you _won’t_ but I also think that the chances of this turning out great are more than the absolute post apocalyptic world in which Satoshi hates you and doesn’t want to even look in your direction ever again you’re imagining as we speak,” he paused for a second, “I want you to be happy, alright? Think about it.”

“All right,” he sniffed. 

“It must be late in Galar, go to sleep. Call me whenever you want, yeah? Although I can’t assure you I won’t be hav-

“Shut _up_ , I will. Goodnight.”

* * *

Hyde was a quiet child, he mostly spent his time alone tinkering with bits and pieces of scrap metal, plastic tubes and what dangerously looked like a spent battery in a corner, and not a lot of the trainers at the dojo spoke with him. Honey told him he wasn’t that interested in battling, his only pokémon was an old Porygon gifted by a family friend in Johto, and Mustard was a bit of a pushover, according to his wife, hence the disastrous state in which laid one of the main rooms, transformed into his study. He heard Satoshi say that he was very shy, it took him two months to make the child smile, so Goh really didn’t expect the timid knock on his door and a ginger head showing up.

“Yes?” he took out one earphone and turned towards the child.

“Could I ask you for something?” 

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Goh saved the report he was busy filing, closed his computer and waited for Hyde to speak again.

“I’m… stuck with something and mum told me you could help, if you’re not busy, that is,” he mumbled, Goh thought he seemed like a very serious child.

“Sure, I can help you, though it’s been a while.”

“It’s alright, it’s about the program on which the machine runs,” Hyde removed himself from the entrance and guided him towards what Goh supposed was his actual bedroom. It was a bright space, the only wall without windows was plastered with posters of science conventions and there was even a signed photograph of Bill, _to each their own_ he thought as the child closed the door behind him.

Hyde showed his computer screen, and when he sat on his chair, Goh kneeled next to him. It _had_ been a while since he actually did anything besides fixing Kakuna’s computer every time Françoise decided to suck away all the electricity, but it really was like second nature to him, numbers and lines and brackets, he preferred this to whatever was that ten year old normally did during their afternoons, a miracle his eyes still worked fine. He muttered a _let’s see_ and began scrolling through the code. 

Honey was right, her son was a tiny genius. Goh always prided himself in his abilities, he enjoyed bragging about it because he spent years learning and understanding and he _liked_ to be smart, he liked to know things. Hyde, however, managed to create a whole source of code meant to transform organic matter into pokéballs, out of all things. It was impressive, and he said so because children needed positive reinforcement, and Kakuna liked to remind him how he had been at eleven so he understood.

“The code probably got broken here,” he pointed at a line, “We could ask Porygon to check and see if it can fix it?” Goh proposed.

“Uhm,” Hyde said, throwing an askew look at the pokémon.

“What’s wrong?”

“Porygon, it’s… uhm, I tried to, update it?”

Goh blinked twice, slowly turning his head to face the child.

“All… right, how?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I asked it to run some tests and meanwhile I tried to change its mother program and increment its basic motions, for a while it worked,” Goh had to admit that the pokémon _seemed_ smoother, its movement less stiff, “but whenever it enters cyberspace,” Hyde paused then took out a stocky cable, “It’s best if I just show you,” and connettect the pokémon with the computer. 

Goh was familiar with how Porygons operated, one of his first year courses in university consisted entirely on how to care for man-made pokémons, but seeing it disappear with a loud _crack_ and then come into view on the monitor was still kind of horrendous. Hyde told him to go on, _just give it an order_ , so Goh typed something and the Porygon faded.

“Seems fine to me,” he muttered but Hyde said: just wait.

Then, in big stocky letters, a _Don’t want to_ appeared on screen, the Porygon apparently sleeping on the last word.

“See! And I can’t fix it because every time it enters the main server it just does something like this,” Hyde pouted, legs swinging.

“It developed a personality,” Goh realised, tried to type something else but the Porygon dragged away the cursor. There was something familiar in how it behaved, Goh mentally apologised to professor Sakuragi for all the times he insisted on having him fix his Rotom infested computer, because apparently it was training for _this_.

“It’s acting as a malware, I think.”

“Is it that bad?”

“What’s bad?” 

They both turned, Satoshi’s head (cheeks flushed, hair wet, sweaty) poking through the door. He smiled at them.

“Miss Honey wanted to talk to you, it’s about school.”

“Oh, thank you,” he looked at Goh.

“You go, I’ll see what I can do.”

Hyde seemed to hesitate for a bit, then ultimately decided to trust him with his computer, which was something Goh didn’t really feel like he deserved. Satoshi let the younger boy pass and then entered the room, put his hands over Goh’s shoulders (he was still hunched, kneeling on the parquet) and let out a breath.

“Is it about his Porygon?”

Satoshi squeezed his hands, leaving Goh to face alone the terrifying experience of learning a whole plethora of new emotions he would have rather not have to delve into ever again, considering they were mostly, if not all, related to how Satoshi smelled in that moment. _Gross_ he thought.

“Yeah, is Cinderace alright?”

“Mhm, he’s had fun with Lucario, didn’t break a sweat. He went to your room,” Satoshi wiped his brow and then sat cross legged next to him, “You think you can fix it?” he said, pointing at the screen.

“Don’t know, its behaviour is similar to Porygon-Zs but the fact that it didn’t change its appearance is odd.”

“Maybe it didn’t want to change,” Satoshi said, sniffing and then he picked at a scab on his exposed knees.

“Don’t,” Goh said, slapping his hand away, “You’ll scar. What do you mean it didn’t want to change.”

Satoshi shrugged, “I don’t know, some pokémon don’t want to evolve, maybe Porygon doesn’t either. I know Hyde changed something in how it works, so.”

“You’re saying it’s just, what, deleting its own updates?”

“Why not, Porygons are smart, aren’t they? Try giving it an everstone, maybe it’ll stop throwing tantrums. By the way, it called you smelly,” he said, nodding towards the monitor.

“Pretty sure it called _you_ smelly, go take a shower.”

“Yeah,” he got up and stopped once he reached the door, “Ah, I almost forgot, miss Honey and I are going to Motostoke for some errands next week, you wanna come?” 

“Mh? Yeah, all right,” he said without thinking, too busy trying to decipher Porygon’s main code.

“Nice,” Satoshi exclaimed, leaving as Hyde entered his room again. He looked a bit grim.

“I think your Porygon might be close to evolution.”

“Oh, that’s odd. Don’t they evolve only when traded?” Hyde slid into his chair, he was very tiny.

“Technically yes, but you were able to bypass the need for an item with the changes you made and the only thing it requires is, well, experience, I guess. Satoshi said it might be malfunctioning because it doesn’t want to. Evolve, I mean,” he concluded, his eyes hurt a bit.

Hyde made a pensive sort of noise, “I can ask dad for an everstone, I guess.”

“That’s what Satoshi suggested, too,” Goh got up and cracked his back, he felt really old next to a child.

“You can see how it goes, yeah?”

Hyde looked like he wanted to say something, his mouth was scrunched like he just ate a very sour berry, and Goh waited for him to speak. 

“Mum tells me it’s bad manners to, uhm, meddle with someone else’s concerns and such, but,” Goh’s small intestine moved toward his lower belly with a jerk, “I think he likes you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Ash. I mean.”

“Er, yes I gathered, but,” he let out an awkward laugh, Hyde interrupted him.

“I think you make Ash happy, and he looks at you the way dad looks at mum, so you needn’t worry about that.”

Goh was about to faint because of a cheeky preteen genius giving him a lecture, he was glad Tokio or Koharu weren’t there with him. 

“Alright, alright, Hyde, thank you for your concerns, but our uh,” he stopped himself from saying relationship, “situation is a bit… more complicated than that.”

“I don’t see why it has to be,” he scoffed, then blushed, “I’m sorry, I know it’s none of my business.”

He looked sheepish, Goh lifted his hand, ruffled the boy’s already messy hair, “It’s fine, I appreciate the honesty.”

That night, lying on his bed, Cinderace’s small body nestled next to his pillow, Goh rubbed his face and thought _this can’t be happening_. He felt like a body being dropped from an airplane into a pit full of viscous broth, boiling alive. He hated summer.

* * *

Motostoke sat next to a river, which granted a climate Goh already despised in thoughts and actions, but it also was almost completely powered by steam engines and not even Galar’s perennial cold winds could have fought the very damp weather that permeated the whole city.

“I shouldn’t have accepted, I should’ve stayed inside sending reports and doing research for my thesis,” he mumbled, wiping his brow for the umpteenth time. Cinderace rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, my thermoregulation systems aren’t as good as yours,” he lamented.

Satoshi was holding a pack of rice in one arm, the other hand preoccupied with a bag full of laundry detergents, Honey was talking to him about _sports_ he guessed, and Goh was left behind, clutching other bags, trying not to completely get liquefied or die overheated. Goh desperately wanted to throw himself into the river. Honey, either because she was a mind reader or because she was also affected by the stifling heat, led them towards Dragonite, allowing them to lay the groceries at her feet.

“You boys go have fun, I have to talk with Kabu, it won’t be a minute,” she waved them off, Satoshi weirdly engrossed into layering all the bags in a complicated game of tetris.

“Hey, can we go somewhere with air conditioning, please?”

The other boy looked up, “Yeah, sure,” he cleaned his hands on his shirt, Goh couldn’t believe him. 

As Goh sat down at a table in a very cheap but clean and most importantly cold pub his phone buzzed, Rotom giving a thrill, warning him that Tokio sent him a picture. He regretted opening the moment he laid his eyes on the very naked expanse of a back that definitely wasn’t Tokio’s, smug emojis as a caption.

He typed _it’s like one p.m. here_ to which Tokio responded with another string of various symbols all translatable into phallic metaphors Goh wasn’t keen on seeing during the afternoon, or ever, for all that mattered. 

“Is everything alright?” Satoshi asked, swallowing a piece of his sandwich. 

“Yeah, just Tokio sending me pictures I’d rather not see,” he sighed and locked his phone, Pikachu was trying to bargain a piece of his meal with the reheated pizza on Cinderace’s plate, even though it really wasn’t meant for pokémon. Old habits die hard, he guessed.

“Are you two, y’know, doing okay?” he seemed worried.

“Uhm, sure? He just likes to send me pictures of his monthly hookups because he’s evil, I guess,” Goh shrugged, drank some of his water. He was craving some alcohol. 

“And you’re fine with that?”

“I, yes? It’s not like I care and he doesn’t do it that often,” he was worried Satoshi was getting upset for no reason.

“Goh, I don’t think you should let him do that,” Pikachu seemed to sense the change of tone and stopped gobbling up his berries.

“Satoshi, it’s not that serious, really.”

“How is it not serious? He’s clearly in the wrong and you’re just letting him,” he waved his hand frantically in his phone’s direction, “get away with _that_? You don’t deserve that.”

“Uhm, I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing here?”

“You should break up with him, is all I’m saying, he clearly doesn’t know how to treat you.”

Goh sensed his soul exit his body, white noise buzzing in place of any conceivable thought, he was very close to dump all of the water inside the glass on his head and go run outside without his shirt on, because that day couldn’t get any weirder. Satoshi was frowning hard, Pikachu nestled on his lap. The atmosphere turned petrol like.

“Pardon me?” 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t overstep but, Goh I care about you, he-

“You think Tokio and I-

“I think he’s a piece of shit,” Goh had to put a hand over his mouth, he never heard Satoshi swear and the whole situation was taking a very comical turn. He blamed the bubbling laugh on the heat, as he tended to do, except for the fact that they were inside and he was sweating for completely different reasons.

“Satoshi, I… we’re not dating.”

He stopped.

“You’re not?” 

* * *

In the wake of the vexing agony that had been the week after Satoshi and him spoke in Motostoke, followed by a very mortifying silence which not even Honey had been able to break, July turned into August. Most trainers left the dojo to return to their families until September, Goh burrowed himself into his work: sending reports, rewinding videos, awkwardly asking Satoshi to help him substitute some cameras that didn’t work anymore. Cinderace acted as harbinger between them, pokémons were smart creatures, but they weren’t humans and it would’ve been cruel to force him to maintain a safe distance from someone he loved so much. 

He also tried to help Hyde as best as he could, Goh would have never described himself as good with kids, but being around someone who also valued order and numbers above everything else was nice, and as much as he tried not to project himself onto the child, it was really difficult not to see similar patterns in his self imposed isolation. His current project was trying to create a software with the properties of an everstone for his Porygon and they often found themselves working in the same silent room. 

“It’s going to be the tenth soon,” Hyde said, taking off one of his earplugs.

“Mhm, I know.”

“We usually go camping and then stargaze, a lot of wishing stars fall during the night,” he continued.

“That’s nice,” Goh said, typing something and then deleting and then checking another document. He was very close to a nervous breakdown, professor Sakuragi wrote to him, confirming his supervision over his thesis; the email had a comprehensive list of required materials to be read and analysed. His first draft was going to be sent at the start of the new academic year. 

“I thought, if you want, you could come with us.”

Goh raised his head, “If you’d like it-

“I would, very much,” Hyde interrupted, blush returning to his cheeks.

“I’ll come,” he smiled.

* * *

Of course, that _we_ included a wary Satoshi and a very distressed Pikachu wanting to go play with Cinderace and Lucario but also trying to comfort his lifelong partner. Goh didn’t really want to feel guilty, but Satoshi pouting was not good for his nervous system. He pointedly decided to ignore the other ten or so trainers also settling down on the beach with them, mostly because they tended to gravitate towards Satoshi and the less he looked at the boy the more he could pretend everything was normal. 

When he told Tokio about the exchange at the pub he had found the whole ordeal a funny story, sent Goh blurry pictures of him crying because of all the laughs and then wheezing audio messages calling them idiots, Goh didn’t block him only because he also offered a three hours long video call where ugly sobs had been unleashed and a decision had been taken. 

Hyde and Mustard were tossing a ball with their pokémons, while Honey asked his help in tending the fire and Satoshi was busy picketing down their tents. He really tried not to focus on the fact that the tents were tiny and that the possibilities of him being _trapped_ in close proximity with Satoshi were higher than the chances of him surviving the night alone in the cold forest. The whole get-away felt too close to a family vacation for Goh to thoroughly ruin it with his damaged train of thoughts. 

“Why don’t you and Satoshi go and get some more wood for the fire, dear?” Honey said, while kindling a sparkle.

“Huh, are you sure you need more?” Goh commented weakly.

“Better safe than sorry, don’t you think?” she offered a sweet smile, nodded in the direction of the other boy high fiving Pikachu’s tail. Honey was a strong, very convincing woman.

 _Alright_ , he thought. The walk toward the boy felt like taking a stroll to the gallows. He cleared his voice and Satoshi’s brown eyes lifted in his direction.

“Uhm, Honey wants us to go get some… more wood,” it came out like a feebly mumble.

Satoshi got up, looked at Honey and his expression cleared a bit, _okay_ he said, nodded at Pikachu who immediately ran to Mustard and the others. The sky was slowly turning darker. He bowed his head.

They had set their camp next to a beach with a path that led them directly in the middle of a tangled grove, which then further grew up into a confusing and suffocating forest Satoshi steered clear from. Without pokémons Goh felt a bit too exposed, but he could still see the beach and hear the delighted giggles and screeches of the others having fun.

“I’m sorry,” Satoshi said, out of nowhere, “for saying those things about Tokio, I mean.”

“It’s fine, he found it _amusing_ ,” Goh scoffed. 

The other boy was hiding his face under his cap, hunched over the ground trying to pick up the thinnest and driest of sticks, it seemed like; then he abruptly raised his head. 

“Do you hear that?”

“No…?” he hesitated, Goh felt like a startled Deerling.

Satoshi let the pieces of wood fall on the ground, moving swiftly towards the darker part of the forest, Goh was left with no other option than to follow him. Soon, the woods grew more snarled, he had troubles watching where he stepped, but Satoshi was quickly making his way in the direction of a sound he probably hallucinated. 

_The things I do for him_ he thought to himself, and then hit his nose on the other’s left shoulder blade. 

“I think there’s a pokémon stuck there,” he pointed to a putrefying log on a slope, a thick purple powder covering its surface and weighing down the atmosphere in the surrounding area.

“We should call for- Satoshi!” 

The other boy had already jumped over, cap backwards and a determined look on his face, Goh didn’t know what to do. He rolled the piece of wood over (barehanded, really, Goh wanted to die on the spot) and revealed a trembling, injured Amoonguss, a mucilaginous substance falling from their side. Satoshi tried to calm them down, but a wounded wild pokémon was scared above everything else and no amount of gentle shushing could’ve saved Satoshi from the massive toxic cloud they let out as a defense mechanism. He reeled away from it, falling on his backside. Goh almost broke his neck trying to reach him. The pokémon hopped away into the darkness the moment the piece of wood was lifted. 

Goh helped the other boy get up, “Satoshi- 

He coughed a bit, “They’re fine, the tissue will grow back.”

“It’s not the pokémon I’m worried about, stupid,” Goh let out an annoyed growl, assessing the damage of the pokémon’s poison “I cannot believe you’ve tried to free them all by yourself,” he attempted to clean most of the powder with his shirt before any of the spores could turn into mushrooms. He didn’t even know if it was possible on human skin but he would have rather not learn it at Satoshi’s expense.

“I’m fine-

“You’re _not_ , shut up.”

“Goh, stop fussing about it, it’s not the first time it happened, I’ll be okay.”

Goh recoiled a bit, he looked Satoshi in the eyes. He forgot how _stressful_ that boy was, constantly risking skin and bones because of a greater cause hidden to most, a colossal red anger seethed in his throat, the instinct to deck Satoshi on the head kicking away the little voice in his head who told him to run to the camp and pour all their water on his skin.

“You’re so _dumb_ , you always do this! I hate it!” Goh screamed, pouring out years of tyrannized heartache, he didn’t care if he spooked the pokémons, yanking Satoshi’s arms, “You, I don't even think you realise that you do it! You just go and do your own things, you’re so special and you don’t even _know it_. Leaving all of us behind while you change the world for the better and-

Satoshi’s eyes were as big as the moon, his voice let out a choked sound before saying, “Goh, I'm not a _hero_.”

“I never said that!” he snapped, even though for most part of his life Satoshi and hero worked as synonyms, fingers holding the older’s wrists harder, he wanted to leave a mark.

“I'm saying that you cannot pull this shit every time and then use the excuse of _I always do this_ and alright maybe you weren’t about to die now, but _what if_ it had been something else? We don’t have pokémons and I,” his heart was so heavy it felt like it was touching the mouth of his stomach “and, and maybe you don’t care about your wellbeing, which is _not_ something good, by the way, but _I_ do, I _care_ and all the times you got hurt and I had to just, watch you because I couldn’t do anything, or because I was too weak and,” he took one big gulp, “You just don’t realise-

“What don't I realise, Goh, tell me, because you're here talking about how bad you are and how great I am but I still don't understand the point you're trying to make,” Satoshi seemed exasperated, Goh wasn’t looking him in the eyes.

“You don’t realise how much you’re affecting people’s lives! You’re so oblivious to all of it, I’m surprised your head hasn’t exploded yet from being so up in the sky! You don’t realise how much everyone cares for you, how _easy_ it is to fall in _love_ with you, even when it’s literally waving in front of your face and trailing behind you like a lost Snubbull-

“I think you’re cuter than a Snubbul.”

“Of _course_ that'd be the thing you'd want to focus on,” Goh was close to tears

“It’s not that I don’t realise it, I noticed you liked me, and I liked you back, but I thought it was for the best to wait before you were… sure.”

Goh shut his mouth, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He spluttered something else, but Satoshi stopped him from continuing, yanked his wrist from his hold and gently took his hand in between his colder ones. They were both trembling.

“Not everything has to be explained, I think.”

“That just doesn't make any sense, you don’t make any sense,” he said, accusingly.

“Sure, neither do you, though. I was sad when you stopped answering my calls, and avoiding me and I thought that you simply moved on, or that you didn't like me anymore, so I moved, too, because that's what I do, but contrary to popular belief, I _understand_ what I’m feeling, and these two months I was conflicted because for the last three years I thought you were dating but I couldn’t help it and-

“You're not about to tell me that you're also in love with me, this is not happening,” Goh interrupted him, trying to get away from Satoshi, put some sort of physical distance that should've acted as an emotional shield. Thinking about how well that had worked in the years they spent apart, Goh should've realized it wouldn't have had the effect desired. Satoshi let his hands go, nonetheless.

“I think it is, though.”

“Why.”

“I don't _know_ , I don't know a lot of things, I’m fine with that. I don't know how magnets work and I honestly don’t care, I’m not _smart_ , but I know that I like you, that whenever you agreed to meet me I was happy, that everytime I flirted with you I felt like a bad person but I couldn’t help it, and that was it,” he made it sound so simple.

“If you just, if you knew this _then_ why didn’t you tell me before I went and ruined everything!”

“You didn’t ruin anything, Goh, and well, at first I thought you were unsure? Or that you just felt that way because you saw me as someone… greater than I really am. And _then_ I thought you and Tokio were together, so I didn't feel too bad about leaving it alone, and after that I just,” Satoshi’s hands were starting to feel too cold, “I didn't feel the need. I didn’t want to force you, Goh, I like you, that’s true, and I would like to hold your hand and kiss you every day but I also like to be your friend, I enjoy it, it’s fun. The two things don't have to be separated.”

Goh felt the maniacal need to dig a big hole and rip his heart from his chest, bury it down with pebbles and weeds and roots, let it decay crudely amongst the dirt, to escape from Satoshi's gaze that seemed so brazed in his knowledge that Goh wouldn't have run away he couldn’t do anything else but stand there, he already sensed the mold forming in the damp cavity of his chest. His thoughts were piling on each other, compressing his brain into a gooey sludge.

“I… I think we need to go back and ask for a first aid kit before I pass out and you die here.”

“I’m not going to die, Goh, you know that their poison is nonlethal.”

“I might just kill you, then, and after that I’ll flee the country and I’ll pretend this was just a pipe dream, a hallucination and-

“Stop, you always do this.”

Goh’s brain could only provide _pot, kettle, back_ , but Satoshi spent almost a decade witnessing and doing damage control to his panic stricken self and he continued, voice gentle, chest expanding with deep breaths.

“Here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to go back, I’ll wash my hands. We’ll eat and maybe we’ll get to see some wishing stars, okay?” 

He nodded, Goh was very close to hyperventilating.

“Then, we’ll go to sleep and if you want I’ll kiss you goodnight, and in the morning we’ll talk, sounds good?”

He let out a feeble _yes_. Satoshi squeezed his hands.

* * *

Honey and Mustard weren’t too worried about Satoshi’s health, something that didn’t comfort Goh in the slightest, but they assured him that Amoonguss poison was only dangerous if inhaled in great quantities. Goh wasn’t very convinced. A girl named Klara and her Slowbro tended to Satoshi’s hands with the kind of annoyance only someone who had to perform that particular task many times could muster. Satoshi looked kind of guilty. _Good_ , Goh thought. Hyde was throwing them hopeful looks, Satoshi’s Pikachu held in his arms and Cinderace behind him. 

They sat close to each other in front of the fire, plates of curry in their laps as Mustard vividly narrated the legend of the Wishing Star and the Youths of Galar, shoulders brushing and Goh felt a tender kind of pressure behind his eyes. Laying his head on Satoshi’s shoulder without bothering to think about the people around them engrossed in the story felt relieving, the big tumor-ridden-lump he used to carry with him on his back gone.

“Don’t fall asleep now, you’ll miss the meteor shower.”

“Look at you, calling them meteors and stuff,” Goh teased, rubbing his forehead on the soft part where bone met muscle tissue. He looked up, the August sky clear, and just as Mustard finished his story, the first star fell. 

“This reminds me of the time we spent Tanabata in Hoenn.”

Goh huffed, he raised his head and huddled in his jacket, Cinderace was running off to the beach with the other pokémons, “How embarrassing,” he had been seventeen and looking at the trainer for too long was starting to become too difficult. It also had been the last time they really saw each other, Satoshi had moved to Galar six months later.

He nudged him, “I almost kissed you that night,” he said, casually. Goh spluttered, hit the other with the backside of his hand. 

“Shut up, don’t, you can’t just say these things!”

“Why not,” he offered a goofy smile that turned teasing very soon, because Satoshi was a visceral and cruel person. 

“I, you’re dumb, stop looking at me like that. Makes me want to smother you.”

“I think it makes you want to kiss me, though.”

Goh scrunched his nose up, crossed his arms protectively over his chest, the night was taking a turn he didn’t ever expect. Satoshi sneaked an arm behind his back, he always used to run hot and the warmth seeping through the fabric of his hideous graphic tee with a surfing Grappoloct washed down by the sun made his heart lighter. The burn of the fire lit up the right side of Satoshi’s face, brown eyes turning softer, brighter. Goh thought: how did I not notice before. With a wobbly smile he scoffed, their half eaten curries forgotten in the dark of the night.

“You’re terrible.”

“Terribly sweet, you mean, c’mon,” Goh giggled as Satoshi got up, plates in his hands and goosebumps on his arms, “Let’s go to the beach with the others, ‘kay?” 

They huddled up close, sharing warmth, he caught Honey throw him a soft glance, a tiny smile. He smiled back.

* * *

“You’re impossible, _move_ ,” Goh had to move Satoshi’s legs from his lap.

“No,” he whined, the _o_ prolonged, a frown on his face, “Don’t move, was about to fall asleep.”

“You can fall asleep without squashing me, you oaf,” Satoshi was lucky he valued his life because the tablet he was currently reading academic essays on could’ve easily become a weapon. 

The last week of August they spent like this: mostly in bed, sometimes on the beach enjoying the last rays of summer (Satoshi) or trying not to drown and then remembering that, in fact, he was allowed to touch his boyfriend as much as he wanted, and wasn’t that a thought. Even Cinderace seemed less unsettled, he stood straighter, calmer, probably because he often felt restless for the lack of battling in his life and the dojo offered a nice change of pace. He also stopped trying to cremate Satoshi whenever he kicked him in his sleep after the first few days of the new cohabitation. 

The last report on the Loudred colony living on the island had been sent the week before, all the microphones already shipped home, without any casualty, for which Goh thanked every single god that had listened to his prayers. That allowed him time to write a very rough draft of his thesis, Goh was going to need a pair of reading glasses soon enough.

“Are you still reading that thing about Faraway Island?”

“No, this one is about Mew and fertility rites, _don’t_ say anything.”

Satoshi let out a _umph_ , scooted closer and put his chin on Goh’s shoulder, left a delicate kiss where his shirt slid down, exposing his neck. 

“You’re very pretty,” he said, voice airy with the traces left by the cat nap he was taking.

“If this is an attempt to distract me, I won’t hesitate kicking you out.”

“It’s not! I just realised I never told you,” he puffed out his cheeks, turned his head until his nose collided with Goh’s cheek, he could feel Satoshi’s arm brush against his back. 

“W-well,” Goh knew not even his darker complexion could have hidden the exasperating red shade his face was taking, “you’re not so ugly, I guess.”

“You guess, eh,” he snickered, biting his underjaw. Pikachu hopped on the bed and cuddled next to Goh’s thighs. 

“Stop, it tickles,” a giggle, shying away from Satoshi, who suddenly turned pensive. He let out a hum, very much like his pokémon he was nestling in the curve of his neck.

Then, “Do you think,” he paused. A thing Goh learned about him was that, with age, Satoshi got impulse control and a very endearing need to find the right words, “Would you like if I came back to Kanto? With you?”

Goh sharply bent his head, jostling both man and pokémon bracketing him.

“I... is that something you want?”

Satoshi kissed him, lips barely touching, grounding.

“Yeah, ‘course, wouldn’t have offered it otherwise. What about you,” they were so close his eyes were crossing.

“Obviously, yes, I mean, if- if you _really_ want it, I,” Goh bit his lip, “I know you like it here,” to be honest, the prospects of being away from Satoshi weren’t exactly thrilling.

“Ah you know,” he took the tablet from his hands and placed it next to the pillow, enveloped Goh in his arm, laid on top of him, “There’s nowhere better than home.”

* * *

Goh disliked summer, he disliked the heat, the storms, he disliked his parents never with him and always working, the promises left unanswered and unattended. He associated all kinds of bad feelings with summer: lost friendships and broken bones, people leaving him behind and mistakes being made without thinking twice about words said.

Most of all, Goh disliked the dampness of his hands, the sweat of his palms held between Satoshi's.

"You're nervous," he said, in the voice he usually used to lull Pikachu to sleep. They got closer to each other.

Goh wanted to deny it, but all that came out was an undignified wuh to which Satoshi responded with a low chuckle and a kiss under his eye, where the cheekbone met the plumper part of his face.

"You'd be nervous, too."

"I am, actually, but it'll be fine, yeah?" he pulled Goh closer, wrapped his arms around him, swayed a bit.

How did I go all this time without this he thought, he let out a gnarly snort.

"I don't want to go back to Kanto without you," he said, voice muffled by Satoshi's neck and his disgustingly touristy shirt with an Eiscue and let it flow written in blocky letters.

"I'll be back before you know it, it's just until I sort the passport and, and stuff."

"Yeah," he said, lamely.

"C'mon, don't be sad," another peck, this time on his ear, and then another one, on the crown of his head.

"All right," Goh had to push himself away, or he would have found a way to slot himself inside Satoshi's chest forever. Cinderace and Pikachu were fretting beside them, Satoshi waved his hand, inviting them in the hug. Goh sobbed a bit.

"It's like we're parents, dude."

"Don't call me dude, oh my God," he rubbed his eyes, a watery laugh stuck in the back of his throat.

"We'll video call, each other, yes?"

"'Course."

"And, and I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Goh, it's a matter of a month, maybe a month and a half, and I'll be back in Pallet by October, you don't have to worry."

"I know, I just do!"

"You should worry about your plane, you'll do great on your thesis thing, just go!"

Another kiss, and they parted.

Goh disliked summer, he probably would never stop disliking it, no matter how many good things came to replace the bad ones. Autumn, on the other hand, seemed the perfect time for opening new chapters and leaving old fears behind.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This was. Something. I wrote it in a week kind of, which is to say I wrote non stop so excuse any deranged sentences may brain tends to go on tangents I often forget about, I also have the fear it doens't flow as smoothly as I would've liked but I'd go out of my mind if I had to reread this thing one more time, posterity will judge I guess!
> 
> You can follow me on my brand new [twitter](https://twitter.com/mensmentis) if you want to see more of me, but I don't know why you would want to! 
> 
> Also, thank you Miri for being a wonderful friend I hope you enjoyed this.


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